this little masochist....

I don't feel like crying
but the tears squeeze themselves
through my tightly closed lids regardless

your words weren't meant to wound
but carelessly they gather at my feet like empty shells
and so my heart bleeds anyway

and sometimes I wish I didn't love you
because I tire so much of picking myself up off the floor
tire of wondering why it's so hard for you to say just one kind word to me.

I wish I didn't love you
but my battered heart is defective
I couldn't not love you, no matter how hard I try.

2009-12-08 3:53 p.m.